PALE AN WHITE AN RID AA IVER

Fae tha pen o an Aul Han

(This article was first published in the Belfast Newsletter on 2nd June 2012)

Pale an white an rid aa iver

Ma Granny aye said, “thurs nithin as hard on weans as tha sun.” Am thinking thur’s mony’s a yin roon tha country haes fun thon oot iver tha past wheen o days. Fer A hae loast coont o tha number o scalded folk A hae seen waakin aroon tha toon.

Noo, gettin burnt no oanythin new. A hae mine o mony’s a rid neck fae getherin prootas as a wean. Bit thurs nae caa fer it noo. Tha chemist shaps ir fair hotchin wae bricht yella bottles guaranteed tae stap tha sin fae strippin tha hide o ye. Mind ye it aye struck mae as sorta odd that tha next shelf wus fill’d wae rows o pale blue bottles tae gae ye ease efter tha yella yins haenae worked.

I hae a notion that thon wee bottles ir gan tae git a workin this week as wae aa gether tae celebrate Her Majesty’s Jubilee. Mind ye if folk can git a howl o simthin blue, aa thon rid an white airms wavin aroon wull luk quare an patriotic .

Noo fer aa tha readers o ' Fae tha pen o an Aul Han' am gan tae let ye in on an oul Ulster-Scots secret that guarantees yin hunner percent prevention o sunburn on amaist ivery pairt o tha boady. This oul remedy haes bin hand'd doon fae generation tae generation in mae femly. Ma faither swore by it, an haes faither afore thon, an whiles a locth o folk ir gan tae doot ye whun ye tell thum whut ye hae learnt ye can lee bak an think o aa tha siller ye ir savin fae no haein tae buy oany o thon yella bottles. Ye see tha secret tae avoidin sunburn iz, keep yer claes on. Ay it micht soond far fetched tae oor modern waes o thinking bit if ye gae it a go I ken ye'll bae pleased wae tha ootcum. Until next week, " Lang mae yer lum reek an yer spicket dribble".