by Jim Douglas
Is a dove a doo Da?
Is a doo a dove?
Is a cow a coo Da?
A sparrow jist a spyug?
And is a wall a waw Da?
Is a dog a dug?
She's gonnae warm ma ear Da
Instead o' skelp ma lug.
Ma teacher's awfy posh Da
She changes aw oor names
Wee Shuggie now is Hugh Da
And Jimmy's ayeways James
Ah'm scunnered wi' it aw Da
The way she shoogles words
Ah must be glaickit no 'tae ken
That feathered friends are burds.
Ye learnt me aw wrong Da
Ye cawd a ball a baw
Your wife is now my Mother
You said it wis ma Maw
Ah'm no share hoo tae spell Da
Ah'll niver pass ma test
Whit is this ah'm wearin' Da,
A simmet or a vest?
Ah gied ma neb a dicht Da
When it began tae dreep
She gave me sich a fricht Da,
Ah near fell aff ma seat.
Haven't you a handkerchief?
She roared as if in pain
No, ah jist yase ma sleeve, Miss
And wiped ma beak again.
Ah cawd a mouse a moose Da
Ah shid hiv held ma tongue
That's manure oan yir bits Da
Nae longer is it dung
It's turnips and potatoes
No tatties noo and neeps
She said I've ripped my trousers
When ah'd only torn ma breeks.
There's twa words fir awthin' Da,
They're jumbled in ma heed
Hoo kin I be well bred Da?
When ah keep sayin' breed
Now is a crow a craw Da?
Is a bull a bull?
A'll try tae get it richt Da
I will, I will, ah wull
