An Ulster Fry

       

Fae tha han o a low country lad - The Newtownards Chronicle - 8th March 2012

There are a wheen o things ye cannae bate wae a big stick. Tak an Ulster fry. It’s the yin feed ye can hae at onay time o’ tha day oor nicth.  Noo I’m no takkin aboot a mixed grill or a full English breakfast. Or yin o thon places where they gie ye thon dried oot hash broon American nonsense an tak awa yer proota breed and replace it with toast. An as much as I like baked beans thons no in an Ulster Fry. The same goes for mushrooms. Fungus belongs on deed trees no in a pan.

Tae aa thon whas education may be lacking an Ulster Fry should contain: sausages, bacon, fried eggs ( an ainly fried eggs, unless the last line o yer hame address contains the letters USA or your coming aff the drink they should never be scrambled),  black puddin’ (but not white puddin’, wae lee thon tae oor freens wha leeve iver tha sheugh), vegetable roll (sausage meat stuff with scallions), proota an soda breed (potato and soda farls) and a tomato sliced in half and fried tae it’s saft.

Once you have assembled these ingredients you are almost ready to start. The only thing left to do is grease your pan. To cook an Ulster Fry the pan needs to be weel creesed. Those of a more mature vintage will tell you that the correct way to do this is with beef drippin’. I’m no sae sure. For me white cap lard is hard tae bate. Of course if you’re concerned about living past your forties you may wish to use vegetable oil. 

The cooking of the fry is an art form in itself and takes many years to master. While you are learning just be sure no tae git sparked or japed. Whether you heid mae advice ir no. I hope ye enjoy yer fry. Until next time lang may yer lum reek and yer spicket dribble.

A wee song aboot tha guid oul Ulster Fry